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From the Minister of Adhesive Affairs

Allow me to introduce myself as the Minster of Adhesive Affairs. Adhesive you may say? Yes, adhesive! I, like many Canadians have an affinity toward such products. Not adhesives in general, mind you, but one in particular. Duct Tape. Yes, my friends, I supposed that you could say that I am the Minister of Duct Tape (Adhesive Affairs sounds a little more important, though, don't you think?).

Why do we need a Ministry of Adhesive Affairs? Why wouldn't we need a Ministry of Adhesive Affairs. Though I consider myself no more important than my co-ministers, many of their affairs will trickle through my jurisdiction. And since I am sure you are just itching to find out why, I will tell you!

My Ministry has one basic purpose, to enforce our motto of "Shut Your Pie Hole" (SYPH). If any offenders have any trouble with this, I step in. Can you see where this is going? Too many uneducated, loud-mouthed liberals can't seem to find within themselves the capability to keep their mouths closed. Enforcement of SYPH involves a simple and yet profound, solution - your favourite adhesive and mine... Yes, you've guessed it - Duct Tape! In our society where "freedom of speech" has taken on a life of it's own, it's time to shut the pie holes of certain people so that the rest of us can be heard!

Here's to you - all you too-nice-to-cause-a-ruckus conservatives - we're on your side. We're loud and we're proud (to be Canadian, that is)!
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